I’d much rather offer my help than ask for it.
When I talk about my volunteer work with the Charlottesville Track Club during interviews, I always explain that I will never criticize something unless I’m willing to try to fix it or improve it. That’s how I started with the Marathon and Half Marathon Training Program. I saw the way people signed up (on paper!) and it didn’t seem to be ideal. I made suggestions to help modernize registration and disseminate information on a website and social media. On May 23 we have our orientation meeting for the program I’ve helped coordinate for over 13 years and I can’t wait to keep making it better with each edition.
Asking for help has been really hard for me. I don’t have a lot of memories about my time at the Child Guidance Center in Philadelphia’s Children’s Hospital, when I suffered from Anorexia Nervosa, but the one that clearly stands out is when I couldn’t ask for a tissue. I don’t know why I was crying, but I remember the counselor offering me a tissue and then questioning why I couldn’t ask for one myself when I clearly needed it. That sticks with me almost 40 years later … that I could have tears and snot all over my face and still not ask for help.
I’m trying very hard to change this hesitancy of mine. It’s not that I think it’s weak to ask for help; I don’t. It’s just that sometimes I feel like I don’t want to bother people or I think maybe I don’t deserve help or kindness because there are so many people with greater needs than mine. Or, I fear rejection when someone doesn’t respond in the way I’d hope for.
I’m learning that it’s worth the risk to put yourself out there and ask for something that someone might enthusiastically give you. That’s why I recently sent out an email with the subject line, “I need your help.” I didn’t want to hide the fact that my twin sister and I had been struggling with some big changes over the past year and we wanted our 50th birthday to be special and memorable. A photo from a friend could be the one bright spot in an otherwise challenging day. No one can read my mind so I need to tell people how meaningful it would be get that picture. And guess what? It’s working! We’ve already received adorable and beautiful photos of our “Flat Twins” and I can’t wait to see more.
The sign in the store window for a job opening might be “Help Wanted”, but I’m finding the job hunt to be a lot like dating. It’s a confusing mixture of “Swipe right” and “Swipe left” on both sides. Is this the dream job? Is she the ideal candidate?
We all want the offer/acceptance instead of the rejection/denial. Is it worse to get a interview only to be rejected or to get passed on right away? I can’t quite figure it all out just yet. All I know is that it’s very challenging and exciting at the same time.
I never dated much and I had the same job longer than my marriage, so how do I maneuver myself in this strange world of hiring? Sometimes I think I just need to have the right conversation with the right person and they will know that I want this and that I can do it. (OMG I’m quoting Shiv from HBO’s Succession. I hope my resume doesn’t get torn apart like her memo did!)
I’m very lucky to be getting interviews for positions that I really want or am genuinely interested in, but I find myself thinking afterwards, “Oh **** I was too honest!” I wonder: Is my unique and transparent personality getting in the way of receiving an offer or do I just not have the experience needed? As a former supervisor once told one of my colleagues, “You’ve got to let Leah be Leah.” I know deep down that if I can’t be valued or appreciated for being my authentic self, then it’s probably not the right position for me. That being said, perhaps I should try to avoid any self-deprecating humor next time I’m on Zoom.
I’m going to do a deep dive analysis of my job hunt so far and work on improving my resume and my elevator pitch to market myself to potential employers. I was thinking about writing my bio for a company website where I want to work as if I were hired to see what I come up with. I also thought on my two-hour walk this morning that maybe I need to work on my tagline, but all I could come up with were funny ones for an edition of the “Real Running Housewives of Charlottesville.” Seriously Bravo come here to cast your next franchise!
“I’ve got a one track mind, but don’t always stay in my lane.”
“No need to analyze my face, just check my resting heart rate.”
“It’s time for me to roll, but only because my piriformis really hurts.”
“I want to break the glass ceiling like I’ve shattered my sesamoids … into many little pieces.”
“Every mile is a gift and I love presents! (especially in Pokemon Go)”
So please send me and my twin lots of birthday “presents” on Tuesday, May 18th … especially Flat Twin photos and Pokemon Go gifts (they’re FREE!).