Wed, Jul 29, 2020 at 4:38 PM 
"I'll pass."
Mon, Sep 20, 2021 at 12:31 PM
"This needs to stop."

Fourteen months ago when I was in the middle of a mental health crisis and had to take FMLA in an effort to get healthy and decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, I reached out to a therapist with whom I had a longstanding relationship. He replied right away and offered me an appointment in person. I struggled with what to do, but when I asked if we could meet virtually instead because of COVID-19, he responded with "I'll pass."

At the time I thought that was the most hurtful and dismissive email I could ever receive from anyone. It took courage to reach out, ask for help, and put the necessary boundaries to protect my health in my request. When I was rejected from a professional who I had a 13 year relationship with I was devastated.

It took me 40 days to write a reply and report him to the Department of Health Professionals for the unethical behavior he exhibited over the course of my "treatment." Although I spoke with an investigator on September 17, 2020 regarding DHP Case #206870, I'm still waiting for resolution.

I was on the phone with someone very important in my life when I got that email from the therapist. I burst into tears and could barely speak. He was so supportive and I will never forget that. It meant everything to me.

For the past 6 months I've been struggling with another decision, whether or not to leave the Charlottesville Track Club, an organization that I have dedicated my passion and talents to for 13 years. I won't describe in detail what lead to my choice to step away, but the people closest to me know the story.

I had already started separating myself from my CTC responsibilities and shared access to various resources I created before I received the "This has to stop." email, but to say I was gutted when I realized I no longer had the support from the person who was there for me when I was rejected from the therapist was heart-wrenching. Once again, I felt abandoned  after sending an email with the subject line HELP. 

I've struggled so much over the past 14 months. I have experienced the huge loss of both friends and positions that I had clung to define my identity. Even though it was incredibly painful, I feel like I'm finding peace now because finally I have my best friend, my twin sister with me to share both the burdens and pleasures of life. 

Tonight we are going to our first concert together in Charlottesville. Ani DiFranco's music has been in my life since college and has gotten me through some very difficult times. I'm so grateful that I now own a home (with FRAN!) that I can welcome Malinda Ann into so we can be spinster twinsters together and create beautiful memories and art with Twins Run and A Good Group. 

Listen to my latest playlist created during this difficult transition: FUNGE ME. (Yes, I'm OBSESSED with HBO's Succession!)

Date: Wed, Sep 22, 2021 at 6:03 AM
Subject: My apologies and my thanks

This will be my last message regarding my departure from the CTC, so please bear with me.

First of all, I am encouraging all of you to attend the CTC Membership Meeting on Thursday at 7pm. Join the CTC Board Elections Membership Meeting via Zoom

Secondly, I give my eternal, sincere, and heartful thanks to everyone who has called, texted, or talked with me about my struggles in making the decision to step away from the CTC. I know it's the right decision and the healthy choice for me, but it's been unbearably hard .... I only wish I left CTC before I started this new position so I wouldn't put this amazing opportunity in jeopardy.

Finally and most importantly, I am so very sorry for any discomfort, stress, or anxiety that this situation has caused anyone else. If any of you are feeling just 1/100th of the pain I am and it's because of my words or actions, I promise I will make it up to you. Please let me know how.

I am an open book. My life is on social media and my website. I am brutally and sometimes abrasively honest about my struggles with mental health, asking for help, and quitting. This has been the most difficult year of my entire life, but I have survived and I will continue to knowing I've made it this far.

Thanks again,

leah
agoodgroup.com

​Back then I never imagined what the race would become and all the lives that have been touched by it. It's rather humbling especially to have such a wonderful and dedicated group of volunteers including Ryan Looney, who's helped at each event and plans to finally run it in December. Go Ryan Go!

I've set a goal of getting this "movie" project done by September 2024 which will be the 10th anniversary of the inaugural race and when the race certification expires. :) 

Then I counted up the past and upcoming races and realized that December 5th will be the 10th running of the Rivanna Greenbelt Marathon (and the 3rd edition for the half). Wow! 

So if you've run the race or registered for the events this fall, expect an email from me. I would love to interview you via Zoom for my documentary!

Also, we could still use some volunteers for the fall races. THANK YOU!

I've made the very difficult decision to part ways with the Charlottesville Track Club and have had time to reflect on the impact I've made over the past 13 years through my logo designs, training program organization, and most importantly, the creation of the Rivanna Greenbelt Marathon. I'm so proud to call so many good people my friends because of our common passion for running and doing good

Thank you!.

leah
______________________

"I have been co-director with Leah for the CTC All-comers Summer Track Meets for nearly a decade. During that time Leah has helped grow popularity of the meets, while at the same time made them run more smoothly. She is creative and organized with the event logos and website marketing. She is passionate about the CTC and is involved in many of their events as either a director, volunteer or participant. Thank you Leah for all you do for runners in the C'ville area!"
Rick Kwiatkowski, CTC member 

"Leah Connor is dependable, creative, particular, and passionate about expressing the fun and challenge of footraces into art. Further, her technology skills and customer service are absolutely top notch. As the race director for the Kiwanis Independence Day 5K, I annually reach out to Leah in April and ask her a series of requests to post our race event and registration with the Charlottesville Track Club and please help us update our logo. Well, it bears saying that Leah designed our current logo a few years ago. The original she created blew us away with its beauty, capturing the essence of the fun of running and walking with a potential energy all its own. Every year, Leah, improves the design and suggests new and contemporary changes. In 2021, we decided to start using customized bibs. I asked Leah to send the logo to the bib vendor, and she found a way to take the starting line photo from a previous peak participation year and use three segmented shots of it to make three different bib backgrounds. Needless to say, when I saw the bibs, I was overjoyed. More importantly, when runners came to pick them up, they were amazed, especially those who could see themselves at the starting line. Only someone who really cares about people will take the approach Leah takes. In addition to her art, Leah updates our registration page each year, taking the initiative to provide quality information to prospective runners. The registration is so appealing, I know it impacts runners in their decision to sign up. Finally, she is the lynchpin in getting our data to the timers, and is completely dependable! I want to emphasize that Leah is reliable, amazingly prompt, and responds just about immediately to feedback and requests. Of all the tasks that go into developing an annual footrace, one of my most enjoyable is seeing the work that Leah does behind the scenes to facilitate the success of our race, our runners, and our cause. Thank you, Leah!"
Matthew S. Haas, Ed.D., Superintendent. Albemarle County Public Schools
 
“I’ve had the pleasure of working with Leah as a volunteer with the Charlottesville Track club for over a decade and a half. Together, we have worked to support the Marathon and Half Marathon Training program every summer. In addition to provide excellent and professional creative support, from marketing to social media presence, Leah is also an excellent project manager, diligent with details, and an excellent collaborator. She handles challenges expertly and is incredibly conscientious and she is always looking for ways to improve processes and how we deliver the program. Without her leadership, we most certainly would not have made the continuous improvements and updates to this immensely successful program that we have. I would highly recommend Leah for any position that requires this kind of diligence, follow through, leadership, and creative teamwork.”
Joan Bienvenue, Executive Director and Vice Provost, Oak Ridge Institute at the University of Tennessee

“In my experience, there are those who think of ideas and those who execute them. Leah Connor is a rare example of those who do both with equal skill and enthusiasm. I’ve witnessed this as part of the Charlottesville running community to which she contributes so much. The Rivanna Greenbelt Marathon and Half Marathon not only arose from Leah’s vision, but continues to happen because of her follow-through with details ranging from coure design to certification to publicity to volunteers to aid-stations to race-swag. And she manages it all with a combination of personal work-ethic and the ability to generate enthusiasm from others. She’s the whole package.”
Harry Landers, Boston Bound Running Club Captain 

"Leah Connor has done and continues to do so much for the community as a volunteer for the Charlottesville Track Club. She's been my go-to when I needed help on short notice for publicity, artwork, website content creation, error corrections - the list goes on. For just one example, I desperately needed help getting an insurance certificate for a race I was directing. Without it we would have had to cancel. The next day I had the certificate. I'm still amazed. Leah is creative, energetic and passionate about her work, and it certainly shows in all she's done for the Charlottesville running community."
Jay Wildermann, Former CTC President

"Leah is incredible. If you need something done, and it's difficult, she's a good person to have around. She's an analytical thinker, a problem-solver, diligent and solid in a crisis. She will not stop until a project is completed--and done well. There are few people I would rather have on my team--I couldn't speak more highly of her. "
Peter Krebs, Community Outreach Coordinator at Piedmont Environmental Council

"I have had the pleasure of having Leah on my "team" for many years and count her as one of my major assets. I am not the most tech/web savvy person, but I know I have Leah in my corner. No matter if it is a quick spread sheet that I want presented a certain way or to have our web site updated, all I do is send it and she quickly and efficiently has it done! She amazes me. Best part is she does everything she touches so efficiently and with no judgement."
Pam Whorley, W4MTP Director

"During my term on the CTC Board, I personally recruited Leah to help with our website, which needed a major upgrade. She was on top of things from the beginning! I personally have seen more engagement between the community and the CTC! I believe it's mainly due to her work on the CTC website, the CTC's social media accounts, and the CTC sponsored races. Well done, Leah!"
Andrew Zapanta, Former CTC President

"Leah has been volunteering for the CTC (Charlottesville Track Club) for more than a decade, successfully taking care of the CTC website and all social media. She’s been doing an outstanding job for our local running community."
Hernan Garbini, CTC Member

"I have had the pleasure of volunteering with Leah Connor for many years with the Charlottesville Track Club and the Charlottesville Ten Miler, where she is a truly irreplaceable asset.  Leah really can do it all and has proven that countless times over her many years within the Charlottesville running community.  Whether it is logo design, creating/managing websites, organizing race spreadsheets and databases, or social media outreach, Leah always gets the job done with great efficiency and enthusiasm. She is constantly looking for new and innovative ways to encourage participation in local events and has become the local ‘go-to’ expert resource for non-profit groups looking to organize running events.  I am truly in awe of the impact she has had on the local community through her volunteering and cannot recommend her highly enough.  The Charlottesville running community would not be what it is today without Leah’s countless hours of service and dedication."
Cathy Singleton, CTC Volunteer

"Leah Connor is in so many ways the driving force in bringing people together in our running community. Her tireless efforts, in helping to market and organize hundreds of races, running events and training programs, have helped to entertain tens of thousands of runners and, in the process, raise immeasurable funds for countless charitable causes. Simply put, thanks to her selfless dedication in volunteering her time and sharing her talents, creativity and passions, Leah is the flag bearer in bringing running to life in Central Virginia!"
Mark Lorenzoni, co-owner of Ragged Mountain Running & Walking Shop and Coach for Charlottesville Track Club

Sometimes on a dark day you need to read the nice things people have said about you to remind yourself that you've had a positive impact on the world. Thank you so much to everyone who responded when I asked for recommendations ... included below are just the running related ones.

-------------------

​"I have been co-director with Leah for the CTC All-comers Summer Track Meets for nearly a decade. During that time Leah has helped grow popularity of the meets, while at the same time made them run more smoothly. She is creative and organized with the event logos and website marketing. She is passionate about the CTC and is involved in many of their events as either a director, volunteer or participant. Thank you Leah for all you do for runners in the C'ville area!"
Rick Kwiatkowski, Charlottesville Track Club member

"Leah Connor is dependable, creative, particular, and passionate about expressing the fun and challenge of footraces into art. Further, her technology skills and customer service are absolutely top notch. As the race director for the Kiwanis Independence Day 5K, I annually reach out to Leah in April and ask her a series of requests to post our race event and registration with the Charlottesville Track Club and please help us update our logo. Well, it bears saying that Leah designed our current logo a few years ago. The original she created blew us away with its beauty, capturing the essence of the fun of running and walking with a potential energy all its own. Every year, Leah, improves the design and suggests new and contemporary changes. In 2021, we decided to start using customized bibs. I asked Leah to send the logo to the bib vendor, and she found a way to take the starting line photo from a previous peak participation year and use three segmented shots of it to make three different bib backgrounds. Needless to say, when I saw the bibs, I was overjoyed. More importantly, when runners came to pick them up, they were amazed, especially those who could see themselves at the starting line. Only someone who really cares about people will take the approach Leah takes. In addition to her art, Leah updates our registration page each year, taking the initiative to provide quality information to prospective runners. The registration is so appealing, I know it impacts runners in their decision to sign up. Finally, she is the lynchpin in getting our data to the timers, and is completely dependable! I want to emphasize that Leah is reliable, amazingly prompt, and responds just about immediately to feedback and requests. Of all the tasks that go into developing an annual footrace, one of my most enjoyable is seeing the work that Leah does behind the scenes to facilitate the success of our race, our runners, and our cause. Thank you, Leah!"
Matt Haas, Superintendent, Albemarle County Public Schools

“I’ve had the pleasure of working with Leah as a volunteer with the Charlottesville Track club for over a decade and a half. Together, we have worked to support the Marathon and Half Marathon Training program every summer. In addition to provide excellent and professional creative support, from marketing to social media presence, Leah is also an excellent project manager, diligent with details, and an excellent collaborator. She handles challenges expertly and is incredibly conscientious and she is always looking for ways to improve processes and how we deliver the program. Without her leadership, we most certainly would not have made the continuous improvements and updates to this immensely successful program that we have. I would highly recommend Leah for any position that requires this kind of diligence, follow through, leadership, and creative teamwork.”
Joan M. Bienvenue, Executive Director and Vice Provost, Oak Ridge Institute at the University of Tennessee

“In my experience, there are those who think of ideas and those who execute them. Leah Connor is a rare example of those who do both with equal skill and enthusiasm. I’ve witnessed this as part of the Charlottesville running community to which she contributes so much. The Rivanna Greenbelt Marathon and Half Marathon not only arose from Leah’s vision, but continues to happen because of her follow-through with details ranging from course design to certification to publicity to volunteers to aid-stations to race-swag. And she manages it all with a combination of personal work-ethic and the ability to generate enthusiasm from others. She’s the whole package.”
Harry Landers, Boston Bound Running Club Captain

"Leah Connor has done and continues to do so much for the community as a volunteer for the Charlottesville Track Club. She's been my go-to when I needed help on short notice for publicity, artwork, website content creation, error corrections - the list goes on. For just one example, I desperately needed help getting an insurance certificate for a race I was directing. Without it we would have had to cancel. The next day I had the certificate. I'm still amazed. Leah is creative, energetic and passionate about her work, and it certainly shows in all she's done for the Charlottesville running community."
Jay Wildermann, Former CTC President

"Leah is incredible. If you need something done, and it's difficult, she's a good person to have around. She's an analytical thinker, a problem-solver, diligent and solid in a crisis. She will not stop until a project is completed--and done well. There are few people I would rather have on my team--I couldn't speak more highly of her."
Peter Krebs, Community Outreach Coordinator at Piedmont Environmental Council

"I have had the pleasure of having Leah on my "team" for many years and count her as one of my major assets. I am not the most tech/web savvy person, but I know I have Leah in my corner. No matter if it is a quick spread sheet that I want presented a certain way or to have our web site updated, all I do is send it and she quickly and efficiently has it done! She amazes me. Best part is she does everything she touches so efficiently and with no judgement."
Pam Whorley, Realtor, W4MTP Director

"I have had the pleasure of volunteering with Leah Connor for many years with the Charlottesville Track Club and the Charlottesville Ten Miler, where she is a truly irreplaceable asset.  Leah really can do it all and has proven that countless times over her many years within the Charlottesville running community.  Whether it is logo design, creating/managing websites, organizing race spreadsheets and databases, or social media outreach, Leah always gets the job done with great efficiency and enthusiasm. She is constantly looking for new and innovative ways to encourage participation in local events and has become the local ‘go-to’ expert resource for non-profit groups looking to organize running events.  I am truly in awe of the impact she has had on the local community through her volunteering and cannot recommend her highly enough.  The Charlottesville running community would not be what it is today without Leah’s countless hours of service and dedication."
Cathy Singleton, CTC volunteer

"I personally have seen more engagement between the community and the CTC! I believe it's mainly due to her work on the CTC website, the CTC's social media accounts, and the CTC sponsored races. Well done, Leah!"
Andrew J Zapanta, Former CTC President

"Leah has been volunteering for the CTC (Charlottesville Track Club) for more than a decade, successfully taking care of the CTC website and all social media. She’s been doing an outstanding job for our local running community."
Hernan Garbini, CTC Member

"Leah Connor is in so many ways the driving force in bringing people together in our running community. Her tireless efforts, in helping to market and organize hundreds of races, running events and training programs, have helped to entertain tens of thousands of runners and, in the process, raise immeasurable funds for countless charitable causes. Simply put, thanks to her selfless dedication in volunteering her time and sharing her talents, creativity and passions, Leah is the flag bearer in bringing running to life in Central Virginia!"
Mark Lorenzoni, co-owner of Ragged Mountain Running Shop and Coach for Charlottesville Track Club

Share Your Story
Sharing abortion stories brings us together. Sharing your story can be cathartic and help you prepare to share with your loved ones. Want to share your story on our website and see your star plotted on our abortion story map? Fill out this form.

Questions to ponder as you testify:

• How do you feel the cultural environment and messages you received about abortion impacted your experience, both positive and negative?
• Are there messages you learned about abortion in your family? How did they impact your experience?
• Are there racial, ethnic, gender identity, class, sexuality, immigrant, ability, religious, or other identities that impacted your abortion experience?
• How did your geographic location or community political climate impact your abortion experience?
• What do you know now about your abortion experience that you would tell a younger version of yourself?
• Were there barriers you faced? How did you navigate them?
• How did you pay for your abortion? If you had insurance, were you able to use it, why or why not? Did you have to borrow money from someone or call an abortion fund? How did that experience make you feel?
• Was there someone who helped you navigate barriers? How did they help you? What stands out about that person to you?
• Was there a barrier that you were able to bypass because of your privilege? How did that impact your abortion experience?
• What support did you or didn’t you have during your abortion? How do you think that impacted you?

​
https://www.wetestify.org/

I've never gone public on social media about having had an abortion, but the new law in Texas has infuriated me so much I can't be silent any longer. 

When I was in my 20s I went on a trip to England with my then boyfriend (now husband) and I wasn't always careful with birth control. I knew almost immediately I probably made a huge mistake, but back then (1998) I don't think the morning after pill was an option or I didn't know about it. 

I knew I was pregnant within 2 weeks because of symptoms like extremely sore breasts. I don't remember where I got the test, but I remember after I took it and saw the results my first reactions was oh f**k. I decided what I wanted to do before I even told my boyfriend. I had just started a new job and was living in a studio apartment and couldn't even imagine having a kid at that point even though all I ever wanted growing up was to be a mom. 

I graduated with a major in Women's Studies at Penn State in 1993 and earned a Master's Degree in Women's Studies from the George Washington University in 1996. I had worked at the Congressional Caucus for Women's Issues and Catholics for a Free Choice, so I knew a lot about women's health care and the options for non-surgical abortion. 

I did my research and found there was one clinic in Maryland that offered medical abortion. I knew that's what I wanted to do because it was the only option if you were less than 6 weeks pregnant. I think I found out at 4 weeks and got my appointment and 4.5 or 5 weeks. My insurance plan would have covered a surgical abortion 100%, but that would require waiting another 2-3 weeks. When I make a decision, I don't want to waste any time. I was lucky that I had the hundreds of dollars it cost to do the medical option. 

I've had two kids since, but back then I would say a medical abortion was the most painful thing I went through mostly because I threw up the pain medicine and I have a history of excruciating menstrual cramps.

Over the years I worried that I would be "punished" for having an abortion and would never be able to get pregnant. I was so scared that I even used fertility treatment (IUI) to conceive my son. My daughter, on the other hand, was not planned. Goes to show you, it only takes one sexual act to make a baby and sometimes it makes no sense when it happens. You can spend years and years of your life actively trying to avoid getting pregnant or years and years trying to conceive a child. Sometimes you can be stupid and get away with it. Other times you can do everything right and still nothing happens. 

I am terrified for my daughter. The thought that she could live in a state that bans abortion after 6 weeks or that requires waiting periods or parental consent just infuriates me. 

Whether it's legal or not, women will find a way to end a pregnancy. I had a friend who tied her best to induce a miscarriage with herbs. Sadly, it didn't work and she ended up needed to go through with a surgical procedure. I had another friend in college who was considering an abortion after an unexpected pregnancy and while she was still debating what to do she had a miscarriage. I thought that only happened on soap operas.

I'm strongly and vocally prochoice on social media and my website. My close friends know that I've had an abortion. My daughter knows. However, I have purposefully never announced publicly on social media or on my website that I have had an abortion myself. I have friends and colleagues who I know are antichoice and I didn't want to offend them or be judged by them. I can't stay silent any longer. I can't worry that people will unfriend me or unlike me or try to convince me that I made a horrible mistake and will go to hell if I don't confess my sin and ask for forgiveness from God.

I actually did the whole confession thing. I told the priest who officiated the Catholic wedding ceremony about my abortion and my penance was to do something life-affirming. I donated blood. 

If anyone would like to hear more about my story and what it's like to get a medical abortion, I am available online.

It's scary to be public about something so personal, but it's also vital that women who have had abortions tell their stories so others know they are not alone.

Thanks to "We Testify" for encouraging women to tell their stories.

Last night I finished my first "race" as a 50 year old. I also came in last in my new age group (50-59). Hey, I'm not sad, I am proud of myself for signing up for the O-H!lly Trail 5k when every time I've ever run a trail race I told myself "NEVER AGAIN!" I don't think I've ever come in last in my age group in a race and now I can cross that off my to do list. :)

My first trail race was the Blue Ridge Burn in 2007. I remember falling down and thinking, wow this was a stupid idea to do a few weeks before my 1st marathon. I did, however, find the energy to smile when I saw a photographer (see below).

Fran (pictured below in all black) was cursing the entire race, but sadly I didn't get to hear that because I was about 20 minutes behind him. ​

On the drive home Fran made me laugh so hard when he talked about how he was considering doing a "Rosie Ruiz" because I was thinking the exact same thing. In the middle of the race there was an actual paved road and the thought crossed my mind, "I don't know where that road goes, but I'm sure I'm taking it!"

MY HONEY (in black below)! If you look closely you can see him thinking how he is going to yell at me for signing him up for a trail race. Also, I believe those lips might be uttering a curse word as he told me that he was letting the expletives fly the entire 3+ miles! 

Fran is "ONE and DONE" on trail races! So glad we have a photo of him at the finish line!

I love getting race swag that isn't a t-shirt! Thanks to Ragged Mountain for the pint glass!

I spent the past weekend rewatching one of my favorite shows "In Treatment" with my sister. It's been almost ten years since I was drawn to Gabriel Byrne's complex character and talked about the relationships on the program with my own therapist. A lot has changed since then and I'm trying to understand what led me to report that therapist to the Board of Health Professionals in 2020. Read more about my experience.

Other interesting pieces about shame, gaslighting, and narcissism:​

•  Shame by Robert Karen.  
• Gaslighting your clients: Just stop!
• 5 Signs of Narcissistic Therapists (The Ultimate Covert Wolves In Sheep’s Clothing)*
• All The Times I Should Have Left My Terrible Therapist​

Related articles about In Treatment:

• “In Treatment”: Therapeutic Boundaries & Ethical Issues in the 2nd HBO TV Series
• In Treatment depicts a realistic end of a patient-therapist relationship
• In Treatment: Gina
• In Treatment recap: Adele proves her skill
• To Cross Or Not To Cross: Do Boundaries In Therapy Protect Or Harm?
• Is a therapist allowed to do that?
• In Treatment Is Great T.V. But Terrible Psychotherapy
  “Boundary violations” on In Treatment make it entertaining but wrong